The Star Wars Halloween Special That We Deserve

Coming in Fall 2020 to Buzzfeed.com: Star Wars Halloween Special

Rey returns to Ahch-To to retrieve a Jedi artifact she believes is hidden there.  While there, she discovers that there is a tradition of the Porgs going door to door wearing the skulls of their departed ancestors and asking the caretakers (Lanai) for scraps of food in exchange for not putting a hex on their homes.  The holiday, Porganalia, occurs when the single moon around Ahch-To causes a partial Lunar eclipse by covering one of the two Suns at the center of the system once a year.


We are introduced to the holiday by two new Porg characters who inexplicably speak Galactic Basic, and are named Froop and Frup.  These characters are voiced by Patton Oswald and Josh Gad because they are both massive Star Wars fans, so they don’t care that it’s career suicide.  This segment features the first of several musical numbers, and the first controversy (accidentally showing a closeup of a Porg’s asshole).


This is where the animated interlude takes place.  It will feature Lando Calrissian as the main character on a hunting trip for wild Tauntauns on Hoth when he hears about Han Solo’s death.  This causes him to seek out the location of the Millennium Falcon via a tracking device that only he knows about, but which also has no place in official Star Wars canon, and will be completely ignored in the next film, effectively retconning this entire segment.


Rey decides to partake in Porganalia, using the skull of one of those blue milk creatures (Thala Siren), but little does she know The Master Codebreaker (Justin Theroux’s obscure character from TLJ) is there spying on her.  This doesn’t really make sense because it was Finn who saw him on Canto Bight, but whatever, Adam Driver, Andy Serkis, Gwendoline Christie, Domhnall Gleeson, Benicio Del Toro, Ray Park, Peter Serafinowicz, David Prowse, Ian McDiarmid, Silas Carson, Temeura Morrison, Ahmed Best, and James Earl Jones all said no, so Justin Theroux was the only thing close to a villain they could afford.  


He attempts to steal the Jedi artifact Rey is there to collect, and at this point is supposed to be thwarted by Maz Kanata (but Lupita Nyong’o also said no) so we get a knock off character named Rak Tinker voiced by Flo from the Progressive ads.


Rey retrieves the artifact only to find that it was actually just the spaceship toy that Luke is playing with on Tatooine in the first movie, and the real artifact was her friendship with Luke all along.  If this seems cheesy, that’s because it is, but let’s face it, friendship fits the budget pretty well as far as artifacts go.


Other obscure actors featured:

Jeremy Bulloch (the guy in the original Boba Fett costume)

Mark Hamill’s son Nathan (he played Saile Minnau in The Last Jedi.  Look it up!)

Jake Lloyd (in a mask so his parole officer doesn’t know he’s out of the house)

Michael Dorn (Lt Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Really he’s just happy to have something to do)


Directed by Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray

Wardrobe provided by Spirit Halloween

End credits song “Ewoking on Sunshine” by Rebecca Black.


Other songs featured:

“It’s Getting Hoth in Here”

“Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Carbonite”

“Talk Binary to Me”

“Obi-Wan That I Want”

“All The Maul Things”

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